I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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