where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
