I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
farters have to be the big spoon...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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