Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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