Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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