i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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