I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I bet he comes in French.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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