i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
