I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
