plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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