Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
