??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
