Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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