yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
