why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
