once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
