fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Acid is not a monday night drug
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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