Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
