The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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