Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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