I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
