I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
