8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
