Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
