I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
