Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
