So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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