So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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