the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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