her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
