i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
