just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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