Grow some girl-balls and come out already
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
