i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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