just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
