Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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