Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
