we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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