dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
