i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
