Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I think my moral compass just broke
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