I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
