dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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