where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
