i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
