So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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