i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
