I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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