it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
