we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
