I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
