the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
