i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
