i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
