I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
