I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
